I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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