So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
