Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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