What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize