Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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