Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
