Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
