Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
