Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
