it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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