you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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