He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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