JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
