last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
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