Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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