I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize