dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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