she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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