booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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