If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
