I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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