If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize