Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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