I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My liver just broke up with me...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
