I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
