So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize