I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
