She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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