one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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