after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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