My underwear smells like fireworks.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
