That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
