Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize