I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Randomize
