She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
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