its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
There's even glitter on my cock...
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