Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
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