I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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