Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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