I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
