This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
