Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
