Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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