Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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