I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
