I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
