I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
