You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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