What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's never too late to be topless.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
