Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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