Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
