Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
