I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
