paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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