Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
