she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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