Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
