There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
