You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
