go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
