I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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