so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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