Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
