All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
