in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
