i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I checked into jail on foursquare
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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