community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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