worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
