she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
