Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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