there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I came so hard my ears popped.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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