GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
