There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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