whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
