who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
