he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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