Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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