dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize