Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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