hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
50% drunk capacity currently
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
