best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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