Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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