Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
