I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize