if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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