I'm really into asian looking animals
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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