Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
