My underwear smells like fireworks.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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