I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
