that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
