Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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