Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
a search helicopter?!
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
