Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
