So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
